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Inspirational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Steven Wright Quotes
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Steven Wright Quotes
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their ...
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading ...
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling ...
I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, ...
I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as ...
I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest ...
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a ...
If you melt dry ice in a pool and go swimming, will ...
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm ...
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always ...
My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I do' know ...
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want ...
If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the ...
Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't ...
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, "...
You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and ...
I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the ...
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't ...
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind ...
My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her ...
I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't ...
I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Is it possible to be totally partial?
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means ...
[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts ...
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they ...
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it ...
1
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