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Inspirational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Steven Wright Quotes
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. ...
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus ...
I was once arrested for resisting arrest.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know ...
Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes.
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures ...
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. ...
I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I ...
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the ...
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint ...
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
If a man says something in the woods and there are no ...
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading ...
If you melt dry ice in a pool and go swimming, will ...
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on ...
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a ...
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd ...
The speed of time is one second per second.
I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have ...
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many ...
The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name ...
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I ...
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy ...
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
If you shoot a Mime, do you need to use a silencer?
I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I ...
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