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Inspirational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Steven Wright Quotes
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take ...
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many ...
At one point he decided enough was enough.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the ...
I just lost a buttonhole.
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. ...
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the ...
Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the ...
I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my ...
The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name ...
I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.
I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night ...
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice ...
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures ...
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. ...
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. ...
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was ...
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world ...
The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. ...
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
I went to a cafe that advertised breakfast anytime, so I ordered ...
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So ...
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